Blog

Posted in Thoughts

Blurry 

The night made me realized a lot of things… How time flies, how I change while growing-up, people who made me laugh and cry, why they’d do that… what I’m made of and who am I?

I am a human full of emotions and I really love being one.

I grew up, watching  most of the 90’s anime. Sometimes, I’d watched Disney but I am not a fan until I reached high school. Most of the 90’s anime I’ve watched, always had this set up where a heroine is saved by the hero. I really like the thought of a guy (it doesn’t matter if he is a prince or not) saving a girl. Maybe because I really love the idea of a guy saving you from everything. Yah, my perception about love is so shallow that I only see an image of a woman as a damsel in distress, needs to be saved by a man.

When I have a problems in my academics most probably in Algebra, I always call my friend’s brother for help. Good thing he is always ready to give me a helping hand. I always dreamed of a guy saving me when I am in trouble. A guy who will stay by my side even though I screwed up. Who holds me because I am weak. Who will be my guide in everything. He will teach me how to cook, how to be strong. Because literally, I don’t know anything.

Until, I realized that God’s plan is beyond that.

He did not made me just so I can be saved by all those young man out there. He made me, and He already did saved me. I was not saved by an ordinary man, I am saved by a God who truly loves me. So, why do I need some guys to save me again? The next thing I’ve realized is, I don’t a need a prince to save me, I just need a me, to save me.

So, just a reminder; I am not weak, so no need to hold my hand. Don’t save me, God already did that. When I am in trouble, don’t bother yourself, I can manage. Even though I screwed up at times or most of the time, still I  learned from my mistakes, and that mistakes makes me grow everyday. You don’t have to cook for me, I know how to cook. I am not dumb, maybe I don’t know everything but I can assure I know a little of it.

I am sitting in this bench right now. Remembering all those things I wish I’d knew earlier. All those blurry images, I can see it now clearly.

Advertisements
Posted in Thoughts

Remain Unanswered

WHY?……..
WHY???…….
There are thing I don’t want to utter and questions I don’t feel like asking.
I am not demanding for an answer but why would you leave things like that?
Am I not worth the answer? Am I not worth any of it? …..
I am wondering…..
Why did I let you broke me.
Posted in Thoughts

5 Centimeters Per Second

This movie made me think of these;
First. When the movie is about to start, I decided to read some comments in the comments section just to know if the movie is worth the time and effort. The 5th commentor wrote that if you want a happy ending you should stop watching at 24:04. I thought that maybe this is another heartbreaking movie. I stopped reading the comments and focus on the movie. Until I reached 24:04. If I did what the 5th commentor said, then maybe I won’t be writing anything about it now. But seriously, in life, when we talked about happy endings, it basically says “death”. There’s no such thing as “happy endings” here on earth. There will always be trials, sadness,loneliness and darkness. But I do believe, that happiness can be found anywhere and everywhere. You just have to find it right, within your heart. Don’t depend it on someone else, because what others can really give you is just a temporary happiness.
Second. There’s a tendency that you would fall to that someone who is always there beside you. To the one you are comfortable with and to whom you can share your everything and anything. I am not saying “all”, but there is a BIG POSSIBILITY that you will or maybe that someone WILL. I don’t know why, but maybe you fall because you always see him and you’re always together. Trust me, when he knows all your weakness and still show you all the acts of love…. you will definitely love him. When he sees your flaws and still stick with you, you will start liking him or loving him perhaps. Maybe, that “Opposite Attracts” thingy does not applies to everyone.
Third. I totally agree with this quote “Distance means so little when someone means so much”. Because love is greater than distance. But in reality when distance separates you and your love one, things around you also changes. Love is greater than distance but sometimes, distance is greater than love. Even me, I don’t really think that Long Distance Relationship will lasts. But somehow I know in my heart, I hope it would. That feeling you get when after years of waiting, you’ll be able to see him after a long trip and how would it feels like if that means of transportation you are depending to is just 4-5 hours delayed. Naahhh!
Fourth. When you love, waiting is mandatory. Like how, Akari waits for Takaki at the train station even if he is 4-5 hours late. Takaki’s late because of the heavy snow which makes the train stops for 2 hours nowhere. I pitied Takaki, when he cries because he worries that maybe Akari went home and didn’t wait for him. When he arrives, he saw Akari, waiting for him. Waiting is really worth it knowing that at the end, that someone you are waiting for, arrives. But what if he didn’t? what if, you just thought that it is going to be worth it? Same way as Takaki, waits for Akari. That single hope in your heart that someday you’ll meet again, when the skies are clear, the flowers are blooming and the stars conspire just for you to be together. What if it’s a lie? and what if, destiny change its mind and thought that maybe you are better off that way? How will you know, when to stop waiting?
Fifth. First, will always be the sweetest. Your first love, first kiss, first heartbreak, first look and that first smile matters a lot. It feels like, happiness will never end. That’s why, we need to cherish every moment of our lives. Because none of this will happen the same way again. Yah, you’ll meet that second up to that last love of your life, but it won’t feel the same way again. You might love that someone, more than your first love or less than the first. And it rarely happens that your first love is also your last love. So, enjoy your first!
Sixth. That someone who sees you and you won’t see him the same way. Because, we only look at the things we want to see, listen to the things we want to hear and love people we only want to love. There are people who looked at us as someone they want to love and live for the rest of their lives but we only see them as a friend, a friend we want to cherish forever. That’s the sad truth though. It’s hard and painful but we need to deal with it.
Seventh. Loving someone is somehow a choice. A lot of people will disagree with this statement. It is a choice because, we are so choosy of choosing people we want to interact with. Like what I’ve said, we only love people we want to love. We don’t love them just because accidentally we did. It will start , once you entertain that feeling of attraction, once you let your eyes set only for him and when you starts giving him time. Then, you’re opening a door for him entering your heart. You are giving him chances to hurt you. It’s your choice but you put the blame in your poor heart that the only thing it does is to pump blood just for you to live. If you know that you’ll get hurt in the end, then stop. If you can see that it’s going nowhere, then stop. I know it is not easy. But, nothing in this world comes out easily. Please, love yourself, you deserve it.
Eight. You always look back. You know why? because, you are holding on to that what if’s of life. How can you move forward if you keep doing that ? sometimes, looking back hurts. Stop touching your wounds if it’s in the process of healing. Let it bleed, let it hurt you, let the pain makes you cry and after that, come back, stronger.
Ninth. Write a letter or an email to no one. You write then delete. I used to be like this. I write, but no recipient. Just to release all those emotions hiding, just to make me feel better. Takaki, I feel you.
Tenth. 5 centimeters per second. At the beginning of the movie, Akaki said to Takaki that 5 centimeters per second is the speed at which the cherry blossoms fall. At first I thought that the movie is all about the cherry blossoms, hmmm or maybe it has something to do with it. But, at the end of the movie I realized that this 5 centimeters per second talks about life. Yeah, it is somewhat a love story that talks about life. How little by little we didn’t realize we’ve changed. How time, is powerful. How time, hurts us. How we decide on things on becoming of who we are.
Posted in People

Adios

I have a friend who will be leaving today.  He will  be trained as a cadet at  the Philippine Military Academy. Studying in the academy means we won’t be seeing him for a year or more. We don’t even know if they are allowed to use phones there or check their social media accounts. We’re here in Mindanao,  while he will be in Luzon. We can’t visit him anytime we want.

I am so happy and proud because his dream is now coming into reality.  I am praying that he will prosper in that field and will serve the country in the future. The country will surely have a hard working and a very dedicated servant. But,  I can’t help myself not to be sad. Who won’t be sad at the thought that you will lose a friend,  physically.

Anyways,  I am so used to it,  meeting people,  being close to them,  then after all the moments you’ve shared together, they will leave you.  When you thought they will remain by your side,  they started walking away.  When everything is perfect and happiness seems not to lasts,  they slowly ruining it without even realizing it. I know it very well,  because I remember every one that leaves. At first they will try to contact you,  they will keep in touch and will start missing you.  But that is temporarily, every thing is temporary.  Little by little,  he/she will surely forget you.  And that is the pain about separation,  the feeling of being replaced.  Sooner,  he/she will find someone  better than you and your memories will remain  memories forever.

I hugged him for the last time.  I hope that, that hug will send him signals of how much I care and love him. No romantic feelings involve just a pure platonic way of love. Our memories will be buried deep down into his heart,  memories that he won’t try to revisit.  I know it,  even if he says it won’t happen, I know the pattern very well. I was about to tell him about it but it won’t help him in a way,  so I decided to shut my mouth.

So,  if ever he did not understand those signals. This is what I’m trying to convey.  I didn’t know that I’ve met you 2 years ago because it seems like I’ve known you for 5 years or more.  See,  numbers really doesn’t matter,  memories does.  Thank you for being patient with me and for always affirming me about my talents even if it just an ordinary one.  We both know I am not perfect but still you always see perfection in me and in everything I do.  Thank you for always believing in me and for trusting me that I can do better every day.  I will be forever grateful by your presence and by your existence.  I hope that you will keep your promise even though I am in doubt. You might forget me,  but I know facebook will keep reminding you about our memories hahahahaha (thanks fb). You will always have a space in my life and when everything doesn’t seem right just breathe in and out.  And remember that everything is temporary, and that one will surely pass too.  Never give up and hope to see you after 4 years living a life you’ve been dreaming off.  I wish you all the best and dont forget to center Christ in everything you do.

Life is a journey,  you remember to always take good care of yourself because that is the only way  you can repay people who loves you. Till we meet again. Bon Voyage!

Posted in Travel

Panikian Island

I’ve been here once.  And that once,  helps me realized that there are a lot of beautiful places in my country that are not discovered yet

I’ve seen so many beautiful beaches,  in pictures and in reality.  My favorites are at Siquijor,  it is a very beautiful island filled with beautiful works of arts made by God.  My mom grew up there,  when I am little,  we used to go there every vacation and when I go home here in Iligan,  people can’t recognize me especially at night time because I somehow camouflage the night.  Funny though.  

Panikian island is located at Pitogo, Zamboanga del Sur. If it looks good in pictures, well I guess you just need to see it for yourself. Pictures did give justice, but I tell you, it looks best if you see it face to face. You can roam and tour the island by walking for an hour and a half. The sea breeze that touches my face  and the beautiful view makes me fall in-love again and again.  

Our tour guide said that this island is where the Pawikan lay  eggs.  So they are protecting the island as much as they can. No overnight stay in the island,  because,  Pawikan and other animals living there will be disturb.  No garbage is allowed to be thrown away anywhere.  Which people should practice more. 

During our 5 hours stay there,  I was hoping to see a pawikan.  But,  no good at that time.  Maybe you are wondering why it is called panikian island and not pawikan island.  I don’t know the answer either.  Maybe because there are a lot of bat residing here too.  Because I am very amazed by the view that I can’t barely remember if I did asked it to them or not. Well,  I will find the answer soon.  

Now,  I am reminded by a person  who always reminding me that anywhere I go,  I should leave nothing but footprints,  take nothing but pictures and kill nothing but time.  
  

Posted in Thoughts

Passerby

Have you experience a scenario in your life where you saw people leaving? Why did they left? How does it feels? until now?

 

I used to be a very emotional and sentimental lass, I tend to get attached easily. Yah, “used to be” and now I can say I am still,  the difference is just I know now my limits. I know who to keep and who to let go. I can handle my emotions when people start to walk away and I need to hold back my tears just to let the world see how strong I am. But at the end of the day, I let all the tears fall down, simply because I can’t lie to myself.

 

My mom died when I’m 4 years old, at that time, I don’t understand what’s happening. I thought she is just sleeping in that white rectangular box, and our relatives and friends are visiting us, just to see her sleep. And in her burial, I cry because I saw people crying. What do you expect to a 4 years old little girl?  Then, 9 years after, my first love died. He died in an accident. I thought at that time that I am not worthy of loving. Maybe God thought I am not. I am afraid to love again, because I am afraid that they might all die, because of me (hahaha). Years went so fast, I met a lot of different people. We shared memories together and I thought that it will be forever, I thought that they will keep all those memories enough not to leave me. But they still left, good thing they did not die. I shed a tear everytime they bid farewell. We promised to keep in touch but it did not lasts long, which makes me feel sad more.

 

I’ve realized that there are some people in our life that are only passerby. Some would say, it is better if we won’t cross path if you were only a passerby, to avoid getting hurt. But in my opinion, those passerby, makes me happy in some way and I will be forever grateful in their existence in my life. How can I regret something that makes me happy?

 

You too is a passerby in someones life right now, make a good memories together so you can have something to keep. May you enjoy your journey.

 

Posted in Thoughts

Color it Green

In your opinion what is the color of love?  and why you say so? 

 

I randomly asked my friends about the question above. Well, some says red because red is the color of the blood and heart. Which is scientifically correct. Then some says, white, because our love is pure. Hmm, okay, I can’t argue with that. I totally agree that the parents’ love to their children is  pure love. Some says black, because we are selfish in love and we tend to hurt people a lot, intentionally or unintentionally.Then, I saw this view, this beautiful view. And I realized, in a world full of red, black and white, would it be possible to notice green as love? Can we color it green?

 

According to google, the color green relates to balance and harmony.From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium between the head and the heart.From a meaning of colors perspective, green is also the color of growth, the color of spring, of renewal and rebirth.Wow! that is very impressive.

 

For me, the color of love is green. Because, green is a color of a healthy food or place. We may not notice but green is everywhere. As you can see, the earth is filled with green, the trees, the leaves, plants, animals and mountains. God made them green, to add more beauty in this world. Green, because like the plants, we need sunlight , a little rain and nutrients to help us nurture and  grow healthier. We may not grow in the same soil, but one thing is for sure, we all want to grow happily with our love ones. We may always bear in mind, that just because we did not grow in a good soil doesn’t mean we are not a good plant or  we are cared less. We all grow no matter what, and I can assure you God always takes good care of everyone, to be happy and healthier. Imagine how those plants/trees survived in the rainforest? God takes good care of them.Think of it, you always envy someone you is being taken care of, and that someone will always appear to be the most beautiful in your eyes. But you didn’t notice that you are the most beautiful of all, because God is taking good care of you. You are God’s beloved.God is giving us all we need, not all we want. Because the things we want for ourselves our sometimes the things we don’t need. But maybe sometimes, we just like the other way around, because we were blinded by the things this modern world is showing us.

 

Always remember, after all this rain we’ve been through, and when the sun finally comes out, we will shine greener and greener, which will indicate our nourishment, our victory towards life. Since, we are God’s stewards, let us take care of this earth, let us protect life, let us color it green.